Monday, October 5, 2009

Selfish...I know

Ok, I am just going to admit it...I don't like Jake's birth-date. I know it sounds crazy, but don't think less of me for it. First, I absolutely love celebrating his life and he is the most amazing blessing we have received and of course I love him to pieces and pieces every moment of each day. But still the verdict stands I don't like his birth-date. I am hoping that by posting this I will come to terms with it and hopefully by next year when we are getting ready to celebrate year #3 I will have accepted the date of his birth.

Here is the problem! Jake was due November 16th. My entire pregnancy I thought I would have a November baby. Even at my amazing baby shower in September my friend decorated with the flower of November (chrysanthemum) because he was going to be a November baby.
Then on my birthday Oct. 25th we got the news that they would be inducing me because my blood pressure was getting a little higher then they wanted. I checked into the hospital Oct. 29th and my sweet boy arrived the evening of Oct. 30th...after a c-section(I "had" to for another day). So there I was no longer with a November boy, but an October boy.

Which brings me to my next problem his birthday is ONE day before Halloween...did you catch that? Probably not because you saw Halloween and instantly your mind began to wander. Oh the yummy chocolate candy and fun dress up close. Yeah, I thought so...same problem with Jake's birthday it is just too close to stinkin' Halloween. Just think when he goes to school his birthday will be overshadowed by Halloween. Oh, I know he can have fun Halloween parties, but really? Is that fun? Birthdays are all for you your one special day that is ALL about you. I really feel for people with birthdays close to Christmas...Halloween is nowhere near as big a deal as Christmas. But still I struggle with these things.

But the month of October just seems like such a blur almost. I love fall it is pretty close to my favorite season (a close 2nd to spring). But the start of Oct. just seems like there is so much to do. Going to the pumpkin patch, picking out Halloween costumes, & of course planning a day to celebrate the wonderful blessing in my sweet little boy.

Then there is this one other problem...My birthday is ONLY 5 days before Jake's birthday. Yes, I am an adult and don't really celebrate my birthday with parties and such, but still October was MY birthday month. I didn't have to make up excuses of why I needed pumpkin cheesecake from Olive Garden every week...(hello it was my birthday celebrate the whole month.) I still get my special treatment and my sweet mom takes me shopping & out to lunch every year for my birthday (now we just have a little boy hanging out with us too.) It all just seems a little overshadowed by this sweet little boy who is almost 2.

Which is why I feel a little guilty about not liking his birth-date? He is the most amazing, wonderful, sweet, little almost 2 year old (in just 25 short days) boy in the entire world. (or at least in my entire world) I want the whole month to be about him and the wonderful life we were given in him. But then a little part of me still wants the whole month to be all about me...just a little! So the that is when the ugly guilt comes up. I have had my years of celebrating me...Jake totally and whole-heartedly deserves his years of pure Jake celebration. And don't get me wrong I know that becoming a parent is about a whole lot of life change and I am willing to make all the changes neccessary and give up whatever so that he can have the best!

But just for today (20 days before my birthday) I needed a to vent a little and just get if off my mind. Like I said in hopes that after outing myself for the feelings I have about 1 of the greatest days of my life...I will put my big girl panties on and just get over it. HELLO...he will have this birth-date for the rest of his life. Oh, and don't worry we celebrate his half birthday too se he really gets several Jake celebrations all through out the year...what am I saying....every day (just about) is a Jake day.

Ok...we will not get back to regularly scheduled program. No more whining from this mommy. I have a Halloween costume to pick out & a bubble birthday to plan for my precious almost 2 year old. (struggling with that too...2 just seems so much more of a big boy then turning 1).

1 comment:

  1. Vent away. I don't think any less of you. I was actually just thinking about this same topic the other day. I was thinking about how much you love your birthday and about how close it was to Halloween and how your own birthday got overshadowed by Halloween, much less how Jakes' will be overshadowed by it. But I think on the bright side of things that now you have vented, you may feel differently about it. You could have had Jake ON Halloween, which I know you would have dreaded. What if he had been born on YOUR birthday, then, GASP - you would have had to share YOUR special day with him. But this way, you each have your own day that you don't have to share with anyone, or any other holiday. And as you said, he is the most special thing in the world to you, so no matter what, you celebrate him each and every day, and I know that Jason spoils you rotton on your birthday, and you've only had Jake for a couple of years on this October 30. Pretty soon, he'll be able to voice his own opinion, and who knows, maybe he will think that having his birthday one day before Halloween is the coolest birthday present you could have ever given him.