Nursing

I must say I am so excited to nurse a new baby. It is such a special time with a mommy & her baby.

It is also no secret I often joke I will nurse my next baby until they are 5. Jake stopped nursing all on his own. Which really is the way you want it, but it was too early for me. It was a week before his 1st birthday and all of a sudden he refused to nurse any more. I tried for about 2 weeks after, but he wanted nothing to do with me. It was pretty sad for me...I thought I had a couple more months at the least. It was just over one day without any thought of weaning or stopping. This is why I have often say my next one will be nursed forever. I really am hoping the next time will be on a much more mutual decision.

Have you heard of all the recent controversy on breast feeding? A mom was recently asked to leave American Girl for breastfeeding her baby. She moved to the fitting room to continue, but could hear the employees talking about her. This link shares some of the story & also has a response from American Girl in the comments.

The saddest thing of all is this is not the only story like this. I could probably give you half a dozen links of moms being asked to leave wherever they are for simply feeding their babies. Really? Is nursing a baby in public that offensive for people?

I have seen a lot of moms nursing their babies in public & have never once seen a mom that you could see too much of her breast. Mom's typically aren't sitting around with their breast out in the open waiting for the baby to nurse. It might take a minute or two for the baby to get started, but still you don't see very much. Maybe if moms started walking around topless waiting for the moment their baby was ready to nurse I could see a small issue with the "public nudity."

This week kicks off World Breastfeeding week(Aug 1-7). My challenge for you...if seeing a nursing mother in public makes you feel uncomfortable...remind yourself she is simply feeding her baby. And she is choosing to do so in what is the best way for her and her baby. If you are a nursing mom, get to know your states laws on breastfeeding in public. You can find details on the laws at National Conference of State Legislation.

Jumping for Joy

We are jumping for joy & so is our boy

To share our big news with you....

                                              We are expecting baby # Two


                        Estimated arrival early February 2012

Ruined

I hate to feel this way (it might be even harder for me to actually admit in writing) and I am really struggling with it especially now with the whole baby talk.

I feel totally ruined by my labor experience with Jake. It was nothing I wanted & now seems to have repercussions even 3 years later.

When I was pregnant with Jake(well probably way before that) I read as many books as I could. Mostly about natural birth, healthy pregnancy, a few about actual baby stuff. But I was really focusing on natural birth.

I wanted a natural birth so bad!! But most of all I did NOT want a c-section. I envisioned a drug free delivery with my sweet baby being placed immediately on my chest.

Our first minutes of bonding.



Being a first time mom I had no idea what to expect. Even though I thought I was prepared for everything(after all I had read the books).

Pretty early into my pregnancy I was given the word I had gestational diabetes & had to control it with insulin shots. As soon as I was given this label I heard the fist talks of being induced. The doctor I had doesn't let you go past 39 weeks with gestational diabetes for fear the baby could get too big. Being labeled with this also meant I became high risk and had to see a specialist along with my regular doctor the rest of my pregnancy.

I did kind of love being able to see my sweet boy almost weekly through ultrasound there were still lots of other extra things that had to be done.

Unfortunately  at about 35 weeks my blood pressure started going up (I am not sure what my numbers were I should have asked). I was put on moderate bed rest. The following week it still hadn't gone down the specialist thought it would be best to induce labor as soon as possible. Which meant I would need an amniocentesis to determine if Jake's lungs were mature enough for him to be forced into our arms.

Yea for the doctors his lungs were in great shape to be delivered at 37 weeks.

Even though it was 3 weeks early(and he showed no signs of wanting to come out).

I was given the weekend and then Monday night Jason & I checked into the hospital to begin the induction process.

At this point I wonder...after all the books I read and the horror stories about pitocin...why didn't I question it more. Push to be given a little more time with Jake still where he belonged at that moment. The only answer I have is no matter how many books you read when the doctor tells you something you might not really be totally prepared. After all the doctors are supposed to know best...right?

The pitocin worked great to bring on terrible contractions and move me in the direction I needed to go. It also led to tons of monitoring and not being able to move from the bed at all.

But with Jake not being ready...he was too high and wasn't dropping down. His head was positioned wrong they say. And no matter what he wasn't going to come down any more.

So a c-section was necessary...the one thing I dreaded most about delivering Jake!!

Now that I have had one c-section doctors believe I should be assigned to a c-section for every pregnancy from here until we are done having babies.  

Never to experience what I truly want a natural delivery. No medicine, no intervention, just delivery!

I must add here: that of course having a c-section isn't the end of the world. No matter how it happened I still brought my precious Jake into this world. I am eternally grateful for him and we are blessed beyond our wildest dreams. We love him so much and it really doesn't matter how he was delivered. He is here!! I also understand that it is all part of God's plan for me & for Jake. God knew this would be the way!!!

But this is not the kind of birth story I thought I would have to share.  And as we talk about babies I can't help but feel ruined.

However, I am on a search!!!

This is just a piece of my heart as we look forward to future babies. Things that have started to become all consuming of me.

Control

There has been lots of talk about another baby in our house. Both from Jason & I & even Jake has gotten in on the conversation. His Aunt had twins about 9 weeks ago which I think is what has sparked Jake's interest in talking about babies. But for Jason & I it is just getting to be about that time.

I am a huge planner...like to a fault. I know that my plans aren't the plans that matter. That I should be leaving my plans in God's hands and fully trusting that he knows the way. But I just haven't been able to give up my control and let God lead the way. I am praying about this daily.

I know that it is always a good time to have a baby!!

But I just can't help, but think if we wait for this or we do that it might be better. I am at the point now where I just want to give it to God and let him take charge of when is a good time. You would think after struggling to get pregnant with Jake I would know that my plans aren't always the same as God's plan. If it had been my plan Jake would have been born in April of 2007. But instead God knew what we needed and blessed us with Jake in October (only 5 days after my birthday and the day before Halloween).  I should have learned that no matter how much planning there is on my part usually it doesn't work out that way.

It seems that when Jason & I talk about it I just can't really seem to give it all to God. It is so easy to say, to pray, to ask God to let me give up control, but when it comes down to actually letting go of control I can't fully release it. I still have a hold maybe not as tight of a hold as last week or even yesterday, but still  holding on to control. 

However, there is planning that needs to be done here on earth.

The biggest thing I need is to find a new doctor! The doctor I have now won't allow vbacs.

There have been plenty of women who change doctors in the middle of their pregnancy, but I want to start out with a good doctor who will listen to my wishes. So I have partially been on the hunt for a new doctor. I think I haven't really been putting my all into searching for a doctor because I am not really sure if this is the *right* time for us to have a baby. Feeling like if I put off finding a doctor I can wait until what seems like the *right* time!

But will I ever feel like this is the *right* time?

I am opening my heart just a little & sharing some of these struggles. This is what is on my mind right now and is basically all consuming of every free moment my brain & heart has.  Is the time now??